Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Annoyed at Me Myself and I

Had my checkup today at the General Hospital. As expected, I have put on weight again, now 122.3kg.. a few weeks of no exercise and hey... and out of the blue, my bad cholesterol also gone up..

Just having this viral flu, that activates my sinuses and creates my cough is ... aaarrrrgggghhh. It makes me tired, my head feels heavy, and just not in the mood for anything.. but the work is always there and the worry to get our land up and going to generate income for the family later on..

Plus came across an article in the newspapers on glaucoma, which made me very very very very depressed... and no one to talk to about it except my wife... and cant really say much anyway.. so chin up.. and I do notice that my peripheral vision is limited.. was at a meeting and my boss puts out his hand to shake mine, he was by my side, and I couldn't see it until he called out to me.

I am just plain lazy to exercise now... and I am holding on to what the doctor says.. get well first and then start walking again.. but the fact is I am just plain lazy to walk / exercise (part of me saying.. going blind anyway) and yet another part of me wants to try to be healthier so can live longer to see my children set for their life...

I am also just plain lazy to control my diet.. same thinking.. going blind anyway..why not enjoy what I can when I can.. and then some sense of sanity comes to me.. for my boy and girl! Yet there are so many temptations, food, glorious food.. (did you see the saliva running down my chin.. ha ha ha).

I feel quite morose now ... for some time now. I had talked to my brother on this some time back, and we realize we are like this.. we get into a depressed state and wallow in it.. we become like a black hole of depression .. we seem to like it.. and we see only the bad.. and it is so difficult to get out of.. what I find interesting is that I can smile and joke in the office (though apparently some can still sense my depressed state), yet being utterly depressed at the same time.. and only a few know that I am depressed...(and the flu is not helping) and after a while I usually will decide that its enough, life has to go on. Will usually have a long luxurious shower and come out OK. Weird eh?

Have to get out of this slump...

Ernest
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